Dependent

Tonight I was reading Psalm 63 for a bible study I go to. In the whole psalm, David is talking about how he yearns for God and praises him. Part of it says "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." David knew in his heart that God's love was more important than anything else in his life, so much that he desired it like water in a desert. I think David knew in his heart that something is needed there, something outside of himself.

I know in my heart, that I am not complete without something outside of myself. I feel like a person gasping for air and trying to make it through life like that. I have started to come to realize that the air I need so desperately for life is God's love. So often I feel like I seek God whenever I have time, or whenever I am feeling especially down. I think that I can fill my life with other things besides him and still be ok. That's the same mentality as a drowning person needing a cool glass of lemonade for everything to be alright. Other times I just get distracted by everything going on around me, which seems to be especially easy at college. I can lose sight of God in the midst of trying to make friends, keep up my grades, decide my future (ha), or even going to chapels and devos. God doesn't want sacrifices and lip service. He wants my heart, he wants me to need him because as CS Lewis says, "God designed the human machine to run on himself . . . There is no other."

I am coming to realize that it doesn't matter what else you have going on in your life, no matter how great and noble they may be, you need God like you need air to live. Truly, something as great and noble as a ministry, bible study, and possibly even frisbee cannot compare to my desperate need for God's love. Some might consider it somewhat weak to be dependent on someone other than yourself for true life. Sometimes our society feeds us the delusion that to be a real man or to find contentment, you have to look within yourself. Well, I never was very good at finding things on my own. So, I am ready to confess: I am wholly dependent on God's love for my life to function. Without it, I am an incomplete wreck who struggles to eke out a pitiful existence. Sorry, not even wonderful friends, family, success, popularity, girlfriends, money, social clubs, frisbee, or anything life has to offer can fill this need in my heart.

Oh Lord, your love is better than life.