Stability

Sometimes I think God has His work cut out for Him when it comes to teaching me lessons. At the beginning of summer right before my senior year, I had a weird feeling about what God might be doing in my life. I felt like I was in for some change, which can sometimes be a good thing, but I didn't really want change to happen at that point. So I prayed to God that He would give me 'stability'. Over the next couple months, most of my close friends went off to college, my dad lost his job, got a new one in Iowa, moved the rest of the family there, and I was faced with a long senior year living with some friends of ours who eventually took in another senior whose parents had moved. I went from living in the same house with my family for six years (the longest I have ever stayed in one spot), to spending a year with a hodgepodge of people from three different families, really nice people, just not my family. I felt like God had completely ignored my plea for stability. I tried to adopt a "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart"-attitude (Job 1:21), but that was easier said than done as reality set in.

Over the next year, I felt like I was always pulled into two. When I was in Houston, I wanted to be with my family, but I knew that I didn't want to move away from Houston and all the people I had grown up with there. I felt like I didn't really have a place to call home, since I felt like a guest in Houston and a stranger in Iowa. The stability that I had prayed for slipped away even as my support had slipped away with my family moving. In order to get through some of the harder days, I was constantly praying to God for strength and comfort. As the year went on, school and my various leadership activities really put pressure on me. Five AP classes, president of National Honor Society, leader of youth group stuff, and applying for college and scholarships made it a tumultuous year. Throw in a couple of hurricanes, a bunch of gang activity at school, the deaths of people I knew and you have my memorable senior year.

Whereas before I would turn to my family or friends, with maybe a prayer sent God's way for help when things got tough, I now found that I really could only turn to God and pray for grace. God was taking away the crutches that I had used to prop myself up and letting me fall into His arms. He gave me peace and joy when I had no reason to have either. When I was lonely and in need of Christian fellowship, He sent me a couple friends who reflected Jesus into my life. When I felt unworthy to do His work, He used me ways I didn't think possible. I know God used those events my senior year to reveal more of Himself to me; that He is the only shelter in a storm, that there is always hope with God, that my true home will be in heaven, that He gives and takes away and all I can do is praise His name. He answered my prayer for stability by stripping away my illusion of stability and offering Himself instead. And in all honesty, my senior year was one of the best experiences I have ever had.

Psalm 9:9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.