For Attaining Wisdom

There and Back Again

2007-07-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

This is the story of my adventures getting to and from Africa this summer and how God encouraged me to walk by faith not by sight.

There

OK, it all starts with a desire to do a missionary internship. I decide to go to Africa with a program at my school called Global Outreach. I am told I can go to Mozambique. I say, "Sure where is it?"

A team forms, dissolves, and forms again a couple months before we leave: Sam, Crystal, Michael, and Aaron. We have no clear idea about the internship: what we will do, where we will live, what we will eat. A leap of faith for us.

In the meetings, it seems as though we are the exception to the rules. We will not actually apply for visas until we get there. We have disconnected flight itineraries. Our entire team is not actually at Harding, so we barely know each other. We have only met altogether once or twice. The missionaries we will be staying with have never had interns before. We have to leave May 15th, right after school ends, and won't get back until late into the summer. "Of course, this is how it would have to be," I tell myself, "If I were to ever go on an internship in Africa, I would barely know what would happen from one day to the next."

Then things start to get interesting.

A couple weeks before we leave, we find out that we have to fly on the 14th instead of the 15th. Then a few days later it turns into the 13th. We're talking about leaving the country the day after graduation. Kinda tough on some of us with finals and the end of school and everything all packed in, but we just adjust our schedules as best as we can.

Let me pause and go back. A couple months before we leave, we talk to the missionaries about each of us taking a 50 pound bag of supplies and stuff to them. No big deal because we can have two fifty-pound bags and a carry-on. But that's alright because we can get by with 50 pounds of stuff for a summer.
A week before we leave, we are informed that we can only carry 66 pounds of luggage in total, after we have already accepted the missionaries luggage. Two days before we leave, as I am about to leave to get on a plane to Iowa, one of the administrators casually mentions that the weight limit is 44 pounds per person. Awesome. We each get negative 6 pounds of luggage.

For the journey, we are given $2500 in cash. Although this was very exciting to hear initially, it turned out to be not so good. We have to purchase plane tickets and visas while we are in Tanzania for a separate flight itinerary, in order to make it all the way to Mozambique. This wouldn't be so bad by itself. Unfortunately, we have to sleep overnight in a Tanzanian airport - because we have no visas to get into that country.
It's two in the morning. I am about to sleep for about 45 minutes - all the sleep I will get for the night. I pray for safety, since I have $2500 strapped to my body, in the middle of the night in an African airport terminal. In the morning, we are taken through customs, get our tickets, go onto Tanzanian soil without visas, all with no hassle after we pay one of the airport workers $20 because he's our 'friend'. About two days after we left the States, we finally arrive in Mozambique.

And Back Again

A week before we fly back to the States, one of the missionaries calls to confirm his flights to his family in Tanzania. The airline informs him that their flights are no longer running. They are all canceled. It just so happens that this is the same African airline that we plan(ned) on flying with. In a week. A few days later we are informed by Global Outreach that our flights out of Mozambique have been canceled. Thanks for the heads up.

All of us interns have different flights once we get to Zurich, one of our stop-overs. Aaron and Crystal really need to make their flights, because they are both flying to foreign countries with their families shortly after we are supposed to get back to the U.S. The rest of our itinerary stays the same, except for the crucial first flight, which means we would miss all the other ones if we don't make it to Tanzania on time. We frantically contact another airline who has flights on July 5th and 7th. We are supposed to leave on the 6th. A problem. Plus, we don't even know if we can get tickets yet. Meanwhile, we go to the beach, because there is nothing we can do.

We find out eventually that they have one ticket. We draw straws. OK, not really. We give it to Aaron because he has to leave the soonest after he gets back to the States. The rest of us will leave on the 7th and just try and deal with missed flights as best as we can. We escort him to the airport, all taking our luggage with the faint hope that we can go. We all get on the plane that day.

We land in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania and ask to get on standby for the first flight to Zurich. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as standby in this airport without a fee. We have almost no more traveling money at this point. Instead we call the parents of one of the missionaries we stayed with in Mozambique, who just so happens to live in Dar. And they just so happen to be hosting another intern group from our school. We pay for visas to get into the country and stay with them. We leave the next day, but first we decide to go to a 4th of July party that will be held at the American Embassy on the 6th of July. Why was it on that day? I don't know.

We get stuck in traffic coming back from the party as we try to get to the airport. I believe you should check-in two hours before the flight leaves on international flights. We come racing into the gate maybe 30 minutes before take-off.

Finally, we are all on the plane, back on track. We're going home . . . almost.

That is everyone but myself is back on track.

Unfortunately, there was a mix-up back when the African airline canceled their flights. For some reason, my ticket got scheduled to leave from Zurich on two different days by someone (I still haven't found out who), and neither day was confirmed. So as I hand the airline agent my itinerary, they hand it back with a smile and say, " I'm sorry, you can't go. Someone messed up just your ticket. You can't leave until the 11th." We got into Zurich on 07-07-07. Seven is my lucky number.

So I stay in Zurich. Not too bad. Two other interns planned to be there for a few days, so they'll be with me. Unfortunately, we get there right in the middle of Zurich Fest (aka Beer Fest). Hundreds of outdoor pubs, concerts, restaurants, you name it. Thousands of people cramming into the streets of Old Zurich, a small part of the city where everything is concentrated. And we can't find a single room, except for one small hotel above a bar right in the middle of Zurich Fest.Rock music and throngs of people surround permeate our street until 4 am. By the way, it only happens every 4 years for 3 days in the summer. And we just so happen to get there in the middle of it. Just our luck. ( By the way, the hotel manager looked and sounded exactly liked the landlord from SpiderMan 2 & 3, for all you fans out there)

We decide to head out to find a church for the next day, after a full day of obtaining a place to sleep and food. We start at about 11 pm, finding all the crosses depicted on our map, which represent churches. After an hour and a half of going to these place on various buses and trams and rails in a city none of us have ever been in before, we give up on trying to find an English-speaking one. As we wait at a bus stop to go back to the hotel, I ask a random old couple, I'm talking 70's or 80's who just so happen to be out at 12:30 am, if they know of any churches. They do. The one English speaking church. And they can show us on our map. We thank them and board the bus to finally go back to the room for some much needed sleep. It is now 1 in the morning.

But wait. Public transportation is now shut down along the border of Zurich Fest. Where our hotel is smack dab in the middle of. We have to go, on foot, several blocks, through hundreds of thousands of people, all packed into tiny cobblestone streets, drinking like all the alcohol in the world will magically disappear in the morning, with bands on every corner blasting music. On our first day ever in Zurich. With only a map in German. And mad riots in the streets. And dodging bullets. Ok, I exaggerated a little bit. About the map being in German. But seriously, we were so thankful to finally get to our room that night.

We go to church the next morning and find we have connections with some of the people at this church in Zurich, and they offer us a free room for later.

I finally get on a plane and go home, with only a 3 hour delay and 5 gate changes in Dallas due to thunderstorms. A mere 6 or 7 days after I left Mozambique, I make it back to Iowa.

Looking back on my travel experience, I don't see a disaster, even though it might be interpreted as one. Instead of seeing where things got screwed up and how unreliable people and flights and weather were, I see where God was the only thing I could count on. Going to Africa, I had no clue what I would be doing. But I knew that God would let everything work out and take care of me. Even in an African airport in the middle of the night. And everything went wrong trying to get back home, it wasn't by chance that we all just so happened to get on a flight that would get us to Tanzania, or that we just so happened to know of someone in Tanzania who would take care of us, or that we just so happened to meet a couple at a bus stop in the middle of the night who knew of the one English-speaking church in Zurich where we would encounter Christian hospitality, or that nothing bad happened to us while we were in Zurich during the biggest partying it would see in four years.

Honestly, I am not bitter about anything that went wrong during the trip. Of course things would go wrong and we wouldn't know what to expect from one day to the next. I would highly encourage people to do internships even like the one I went on, because part of the experience is just trusting God. When we decided to take a leap of faith at the start of the internship, we placed ourselves in God's hands. And He didn't betray the trust we put in Him.

Edward, Edward

2007-02-27T18:29:00.000-08:00

In AP English towards the end of my senior year, we started in on a poetry unit. At first I thought it would be terrible because I never really liked poems. Until I came to this one. This poem probably had more influence on me becoming an English major than any teacher I had. Not because it is deep and insightful. Not because it made me a better person or revealed some hidden truth. Not because I entirely understood it. Only because I got to read it out loud in class with a Scottish accent. For me, it was a shining ray of light in a dark gloomy classroom. For the first time since the beginning of school, no one was asleep, which is a big deal during a poetry unit in high school English.

I saw it again in a book for one of my English classes this year, and thought I should share it. It is titled Edward, Edward and must be read in a Scottish accent for the full effect.

'Why does your brand sae drop wi' blude,
       Edward, Edward?
Why does your brand sae drop wi' blude,
   And why sae sad gang ye, O?'
'O I hae kill'd my hawk sae gude,
       Mither, mither;
O I hae kill'd my hawk sae gude,
   And I had nae mair but he, O.'

'Your hawk's blude was never sae red,
       Edward, Edward;
Your hawk's blude was never sae red,
   My dear son, I tell thee, O.'
'O I hae kill'd my red-roan steed,
       Mither, mither;
O I hae kill'd my red-roan steed,
   That erst was sae fair and free, O.'

'Your steed was auld, and ye hae got mair,
       Edward, Edward;
Your steed was auld, and ye hae got mair;
   Some other dule ye dree, O.'
'O I hae kill'd my father dear,
       Mither, mither;
O I hae kill'd my father dear,
   Alas, and wae is me, O!'

'And whatten penance will ye dree for that,
       Edward, Edward?
Whatten penance will ye dree for that?
   My dear son, now tell me, O.'
'I'll set my feet in yonder boat,
       Mither, mither;
I'll set my feet in yonder boat,
   And I'll fare over the sea, O.'

'And what will ye do wi' your tow'rs and your ha',
       Edward, Edward?
And what will ye do wi' your tow'rs and your ha',
   That were sae fair to see, O?'
'I'll let them stand till they doun fa',
       Mither, mither;
I'll let them stand till they doun fa',
   For here never mair maun I be, O.'

'And what will ye leave to your bairns and your wife,
       Edward, Edward?
And what will ye leave to your bairns and your wife,
   When ye gang owre the sea, O?'
'The warld's room: let them beg through life,
       Mither, mither;
The warld's room: let them beg through life;
   For them never mair will I see, O.'

'And what will ye leave to your ain mither dear,
       Edward, Edward?
And what will ye leave to your ain mither dear,
   My dear son, now tell me, O?'

'The curse of hell frae me sall ye bear,
       Mither, mither;
The curse of hell frae me sall ye bear:
   Sic counsels ye gave to me, O!'

Keep Going

2007-02-05T21:04:00.000-08:00

I have a hard time being the person I want to be. I don't know if anyone else struggles with not living up to what they hope to be, but I seem to struggle with it most of the time. As a Christian, I want to love people like Jesus loved them and to love and seek after God with all my heart. Of course, whenever the distractions of my life come in, this seems like a silly thing. I don't want to stop what I'm doing and help someone; I don't want to talk to someone who is sitting alone at lunch when I have a table full of friends waiting for me; I don't want to give up my weekend to serve people; I don't want to stick up for someone who is being put down, especially if they might "deserve" it; and I definitely don't have the time to sit still once a day and pray and read the Bible. Of course that is besides the lies I might tell, the hurtful words I say, the impure thoughts I think, and all the other ways I go wrong in my day. Every mess-up feels like a slap in the face whenever I make an effort to not be carried away by my day, and after a time I just don't really care. I guess I lose my motivation to keep making an effort to get up after each fall.

After days like that, I don't want to even think about God because I don't want to deal with my own failures. The shame of not doing what I should keeps me from seeking Him, even though God wants a relationship with me 24/7 no matter what I do. As stupid as it sounds, I just want to go away from God for a while until I feel like the residue of my last failure is gone.

I watched Elizabethtown over the break with my family. Orlando Bloom is this shoe designer who lost his company a billion dollars. I liked one part in it where he is kind of moping in self-pity and his girlfriend Kirsten Dunst says to him: "So you failed. Alright. You really failed. You failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed, you failed . . .Wah, wah, wah. You want to be really great? Then have the courage to fail big and stick around. Make 'em wonder why you're still smiling. That's true greatness to me."

C.S. Lewis puts it another way, "What God does for us, He does in us. The process of doing it will appear to me to be the daily or hourly repeated exercises of my own will in renouncing this attitude . . . We may never, this side of death, drive the invader out of our territory, but we must be in the Resistance." In essence, I have to begin again daily, even hourly in living my life as a disciple of Christ. And true greatness is found in not running away after each failure, but getting back up and dealing with life head-on.

I guess my simple prayer tonight is this: that I will have the courage to get up after each fall, and the desire to begin anew again each day.

Into The Unknown

2006-12-14T16:45:00.000-08:00

This is an old post that I never published. It was from when I first came to college, just for a time reference.

There is a beautiful scene in Prince Caspian where Lucy is talking with Aslan after having just found him after returning to Narnia. Unfortunately I can't quote it from memory, but I can tell the basics of it. Aslan tells Lucy to wake her sleeping brothers and sister and follow him. None of the others are able to see him yet, but she is supposed to just tell them to follow her. She has no assurance that her siblings will listen to her, the youngest of four. All she is told is to follow Aslan.

God doesn't always give me the answers to the questions I ask Him. ie: who should I date? what should I be involved in? I thought if I came to Harding and got into college, God would show me the person I am supposed to date and stuff. I thought if I tried out for Theatron (a skit group here at Harding), God would put me in that ministry. Instead He says, "I am not going to tell you where you are going or who you will meet. All I will say is follow me." So that's what I am going to do, as best as I can.

Sometimes, I wish God would tell me about my future. Just show me where I am going and what my goal is here on earth. Not the churchy, idealistic, "Go and make disciples all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit." I mean I want to know things like, "This is the girl you are going to marry, or this is what she is like." or "This is what you should do while you are in such and such place." But I don't know if God micromanages my life like that. I wonder if He leaves certain things up to me that could still be a part of His plan. Maybe it is just a matter of following where He leads, and keeping my eyes focused on Him, and then everything else will just fall into place.

Thank goodness that God gives us examples to follow after. The author of Hebrews talks about all kinds of situations in which people followed God's leading, even though the destinaiton was not known.

11:32(ff) And what more shall I say? I do not have time to tell about Gideon, Barak, Samson, Jephthah, David, Samuel and the prophets, who through faith conquered kingdoms, administered justice, and gained what was promised; who shut the mouths of lions, quenched the fury of the flames, and escaped the edge of the sword; whose weakness was turned to strength; and who became powerful in battle and routed foreign armies. Women received back their dead, raised to life again. Others were tortured and refused to be released, so that they might gain a better resurrection. Some faced jeers and flogging, while still others were chained and put in prison. They were stoned; they were sawed in two; they were put to death by the sword. They went about in sheepskins and goatskins, destitute, persecuted and mistreated— the world was not worthy of them. They wandered in deserts and mountains, and in caves and holes in the ground. These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised.

People in the book of Hebrews who followed God and never saw their goal. God said go and do this, and they responded. I find that it's easy to follow God when you like where He is leading you, but what if it seems like He is leading you by hand into the dark, into caves and holes in the ground, and He just says trust me and hold tight? What does that look like? It's Indiana Jones stepping off a ledge to save his father. It's Eustace and Jill cutting the cords off a stark raving madman, who is their prince. It's the Nait Saint, Jim Elliot and the other missionaries who took the Gospel to savages in Ecuador; it's their wives returning to the savages after they speared and hacked their husbands. It's Naomi saying wherever you go I will follow. It's Abraham going up the mountain to sacrifice Isaac.

I find that it is not so important that I know where I am going, or what I need to be doing in life. What is truly important is that I am following God as he leads me through. I have to trust that if I keep my eyes on him, all these other things will fall into place. As frightening as it might be, sometimes seeking after God is following him into the dark, into the unknown where you have only your faith in him. God doesn't always tell what will happen in life if we do what he wants. He just asks us to follow him.

Me: "Where are we going God?"
God: "Just wait a while, you will see in time."
Me: "But I need to know."
God: "Why? You don't have to know the destination if you just follow the road."

"O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you."

Third Day - "Mountain of God"
Thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

And I didn't even know
That I had lost my way
But You were there with me
Yes, You were there with me

'Til You opened up my eyes
I never knew
That I couldn't ever make it
Without You

Even though the journey's long
And I know the road is hard
Well, the One who's gone before me
He will help me carry on
After all that I've been through
Now I realize the truth
That I must go through the valley
To stand upon the mountain of God

As I travel on the road
That You have lead me down
You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me
I have need for nothing more
Oh, now that I have found
That You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me

I confess from time to time
I lose my way
But You are always there
To bring me back again

Sometimes I think of where it is I've come from
And the things I've left behind
But of all I've had, what I possessed
Nothing can quite compare
With what's in front of me
With what's in front of me

(After final Chorus)
I thought that I was all alone
Broken and afraid
But, You are here with me
Yes, You are here with me.

Sex Trafficking

2006-12-10T20:23:00.000-08:00

One of my strongest beliefs, and you might call it a strength, is my concern for those who are being mistreated and abused and who are powerless to stop it. It has been something that has influenced my life, and played a large part in my decisions about the future. I recently had to do a speech in one of my classes for a major grade, and it had to be about something in the news. I decided at the time, that it would be a good idea to talk about sex trafficking, because it is something that few people know enough about and I am very passionately against it.

As I thought about it over the following weeks, I desired to give this speech less and less. It would have to be a very grave speech, and I really did not look forward to exposing such dark secrets to my class because it would make me feel uncomfortable. Several times I thought about switching topics to something a little less weighty and serious, something that would be easier to write a speech about, where I could slack off and not feel so bad. But then, I stopped to think about it. The stories I would tell and the hidden crimes I would reveal to my classmates are already terrible enough. In each story, someone was helpless against the atrocities committed against them, and in many cases it was because no one spoke out. And I wondered why it was that sex trafficking isn't in the news so much and why I barely knew anything about it before I researched it and why I felt a strong desire to cop out and not talk about it. And in all honesty, I think that it is because there are spiritual forces in this world, powers that influence what evil things go on and what lies hidden behind closed doors. For some of you, this may be too weird and a little cheesy, that I would attribute my desire to wimp out of a speech to Satan and not to laziness. But I think that these feelings and others are part of a spiritual and physical war against Adam's race, God's children.

It was the hardest speech for me to research and write, because I knew the stories of so many victims of sex trafficking and could not help but feel sorrowful pain for them. If you are brave enough to feel the grief of reading these women's and childrens' stories, please feel free to do your own research. I am no expert on this topic, and so you wouldprobably gain a better knowledge of it by teaching yourself. Here are some links you can follow:

http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=1596778&page=1
http://www.captivedaughters.org/
http://www3.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/sex_trafficking_details.htm
http://www.ijm.org/NETCOMMUNITY/Page.aspx?&pid=178&srcid=-2

Sex Trafficking. An unsightly blight that thrives in our society. It is something that we would rather not talk about, and a shameful sin that we do not know enough about, especially here in America. Now I am not just talking about prostitution or pornography, I am talking about human slavery, the selling of young men and women, even girls and boys, to brothels and their subsequent abuse, mistreatment and in many cases murder.

As I first began to hear about this and learn more, I was shocked to discover the Western worlds influence in the perpetuation of this global problem. Particularly America’s part in it. As one US Embassy official states, “Mexican officials see sex trafficking as a U.S. problem. If there wasn't such a large demand, then people -- trafficking victims and migrants alike -- wouldn't be going up there.”

According to the FBI, there are over 100,000 children and young women being trafficked in America today. The ages range anywhere from 9-19, with the average age being 11. The CIA estimates that there are 18,000 – 20,000 people trafficked into the US each year. MY thesis is: the sex trade in America is a terrible cancer that is taking the lives and hopes of many young men and women

Many of the stories of these forced sex slaves are similar: women from all over the world are either persuaded with lies or outright kidnapped and forced to leave their home. Others are sold by poor parents to pimps who are willing to pay lots of money for children. At home, these children are not worth a cent to their family. In the sex trade, they become worth thousands. After this, pimps will smuggle them into a foreign country, like America, where these children are considered illegal immigrants. Most often, pimps sneak them in through Mexico, where authorities usually just check the ID’s of those who look Hispanic trying to get into the country.

In one situation a girl we’ll call Debbie was abducted from her driveway in a middle class neighborhood here in America, when an acquaintance pushed her in a car and drove off. Not all stories are like Debbie’s; other victims are lured by offers of jobs from a charismatic and friendly person. Once they meet up with this person, things go downhill quickly. They are often held against their will in squalid conditions during their “breaking in” period. During this time, they are raped repeatedly and beaten by the pimps who captured them, before being exposed to other men. This “breaking in” serves as training grounds for what will become a way of life for these women and children.

When she wasn’t being raped, Debbie was forced into a small dog cage until her entire body was numb. Her captors fed her dog biscuits and degraded her until she had almost no hope left. She was one of the rare fortunate ones to break out of this gruesome nightmare of abuse and degradation. Police received a tip one day to an apartment, where they found her stuffed in a drawer under a bed. After 40 days of sexual abuse she was finally set free. She was 15, the age most children are freshmen in high school.

This would not be possible if there weren’t such a demand for this kind of trade among Americans. Many of the men who raped Debbie had wives and children. Another girl we’ll call Annie would have Bible Scriptures read to her before and after she was raped. She was 7 at the time. The scary thing about this crime is that the perpetrators who demand these acts often look like your next door neighbor.

For others not so fortunate as Debbie, pimps will put ads for sex and take these girls on tours across the US, where they will be raped again and again, sometimes being forced to have sex with 15 men a day, seven days a week. Rarely do these men wear a condom and sometimes will pay extra to beat their victims. They do this to maximize profits – $10,000-30,000 a week. All the while, their captors use psychological tactics to keep them from running away. They are controlled mainly through fear and thus kept from feeling to the authorities. Those who were brought into the country can’t speak English and wouldn’t know where to turn even if they could escape. Debbie was told that if she ran, her family would be killed and her baby niece, 19 months old, would have battery acid thrown on her. So she stayed out of love to keep her family alive.

Part of the solution to this problem lies in the very nature of sex trafficking. In order for pimps to carry out business, they have to advertise, either by putting girls in visible places or posting on the internet. Gary Haugen, the president of International Justice Mission says, “It's the easiest kind of crime in the world to spot. Men look for it all day, every day.'' It is one of the few human rights violations that require public exposure to continue. Many of the times when victims are freed, it is due to a tip from a third party, such in Debbie’s case. These girls are out in public, and so it is up to all people to be aware of the people they interact with on a daily basis. In one story, a cab driver giving a ride to a victim found out what was going on and was able to help her escape. One way that pimps exchange sex slaves who are children is color coded shirts in "Disneyland"(here I confess I don't know if the author of the article literally meant Disneyland). The main thing is that if the pimps are advertising their victims, someone has to be able to see them. Every single person can make a difference by being involved with the people in their lives. By talking to those who seem like they might be the victims of abuse or telling someone when things don’t seem right you could be making a huge difference in these people’s lives. Keep in mind that many victims are held captive in middle class neighborhoods. Annie, the 7-year-old, actually stayed in a middle class home with a family for a while. Instead of telling authorities, the family just sat around her watching TV, either because they didn’t care or because they were being paid too well by her captors to not help the 7-year-old child prostitute.

Another part of the solution would be to monitor the Internet, specifically escort services that are used as ads for sex. Pimps will often take pictures of their victims to post online, and within hours men come knocking at their doors demanding sex. If the perpetrators can find them so easily, then can’t government agencies find them as well?

In addition to these, a change is required in law enforcement, particularly when deporting immigrants. Whenever police find these victims, they lump them into a group with all the other prostitutes and illegal immigrants they pick up. They assume that these women are selling their bodies out of choice, and that undocumented foreign prostitutes are committing an additional crime by sneaking into the country. Therefore it is imperative that officers are trained to look for prostitutes who are subject to abuse and get help for victims of sex trafficking. Programs should be established to aid those who are forced to prostitute their bodies. Foreigners should be allowed to live here if they want rather than be deported. Additional border security and special attention paid to children would also help to decrease the flow of sex trafficking into America.

What we simply cannot do is that which is easiest to do: nothing. To go on with our lives and not give these helpless victims aid. Their world is one of darkness, where abuse and rape are the order of every day, and their only value is how much pleasure perverts derive from them. Although voiceless, their scarred bodies and broken hearts cry out for help. They need someone to step in and be an advocate for them. And we must answer this call.

Landesman, Peter. “The Girls Next Door”. New York Times. Jan. 25, 2004. Dec. 2, 2006. <http://www3.baylor.edu/~Charles_Kemp/sex_trafficking_details.htm>

“Teen Girls’ Stories of Sex Trafficking in U.S.” ABC News. Feb. 9, 2006. Dec. 4, 2006.

“What is Human Trafficking.” Sex Trafficking. Salvation Army. 2006. Dec. 4, 2006.

<http://www.salvationarmyusa.org/usn/www_usn.nsf/ce952dea4507ee7780256cf4005d2254/8203847f6ba996e585256f25005d5274?OpenDocument#Sample%20Cases>

Dependent

2006-11-15T21:36:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was reading Psalm 63 for a bible study I go to. In the whole psalm, David is talking about how he yearns for God and praises him. Part of it says "Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you." David knew in his heart that God's love was more important than anything else in his life, so much that he desired it like water in a desert. I think David knew in his heart that something is needed there, something outside of himself.

I know in my heart, that I am not complete without something outside of myself. I feel like a person gasping for air and trying to make it through life like that. I have started to come to realize that the air I need so desperately for life is God's love. So often I feel like I seek God whenever I have time, or whenever I am feeling especially down. I think that I can fill my life with other things besides him and still be ok. That's the same mentality as a drowning person needing a cool glass of lemonade for everything to be alright. Other times I just get distracted by everything going on around me, which seems to be especially easy at college. I can lose sight of God in the midst of trying to make friends, keep up my grades, decide my future (ha), or even going to chapels and devos. God doesn't want sacrifices and lip service. He wants my heart, he wants me to need him because as CS Lewis says, "God designed the human machine to run on himself . . . There is no other."

I am coming to realize that it doesn't matter what else you have going on in your life, no matter how great and noble they may be, you need God like you need air to live. Truly, something as great and noble as a ministry, bible study, and possibly even frisbee cannot compare to my desperate need for God's love. Some might consider it somewhat weak to be dependent on someone other than yourself for true life. Sometimes our society feeds us the delusion that to be a real man or to find contentment, you have to look within yourself. Well, I never was very good at finding things on my own. So, I am ready to confess: I am wholly dependent on God's love for my life to function. Without it, I am an incomplete wreck who struggles to eke out a pitiful existence. Sorry, not even wonderful friends, family, success, popularity, girlfriends, money, social clubs, frisbee, or anything life has to offer can fill this need in my heart.

Oh Lord, your love is better than life.

Pledging

2006-10-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

So, I pledged Chi Sig's this past week and it was insanely busy. I had to do all the club stuff and still go to school. It was so bad, I missed frisbee all week long. But there are a lot of really awesome Christian men in the club (and amazing Queens), which is why I joined in the first place, so it was definitely worth it. I am really looking forward to all the things we will do together as a club (including a camping retreat coming up). I got know the guys I was pledging with pretty well, but not as well as I thought I would. Everyone I know talks about how the guys they pledged with are their best friends and stuff, but I don't really feel the same way. Maybe that will come later.

One thing I will say about clubs is that the rivalries and such are stupid. At times, it almost seems like junior high the way people do childish things to other clubs and make chants about other clubs. Other than that, I think clubs are great, if you are in the right club that will bring you into a closer relationship with God. Also, I think it is kinda dumb the way people can be so gung-ho about their clubs, especially on a Christian campus. It's like they don't associate with people from a certain club or think they are better than others because of a club they are in, even though we are all brothers and sisters in Christ. Sometimes they let their membership in a club blind them from their membership in Christ's body. I think it is great to have a close relationship with those in your club and to think highly of them. But for the people out there who honestly think that your specific club is better than the rest just because you joined it, you are wrong.

Unless you just pledged Chi Sigma Alpha because that is the club Jesus would have pledged if he had gone to Harding.

Highlights

2006-10-14T22:09:00.000-07:00

Recent highlights:
-I got to hang out with some of the most amazing people in the past few weeks: Brian Mashburn, Emily Wallace, Tyler Casey, Rebekah Gunter and Staci Wilson (and her grandparents who make really amazing food)
-Walked into the student center and saw my cousin's face on a poster randomly. His band from Dallas, Titan Moon, was performing at a local coffee shop, so I got a surprise visit with him.
-I finally decided to join the ultimate frisbee team and go to practices on a regular basis.
-My roommate and I recently won a spades tournament and got $50 each. That is the equivalent of 40 pounds of Twizzlers from Wal-Mart.
-Got to partake in a 12-pound brisket and 30 cheddar-braut feast tonight. I might just cry when I have to eat in the cafeteria tomorrow...

Cast off all hinderances

2006-10-02T23:40:00.000-07:00

I was in church this past Sunday and the preacher talked about God's wrath in Canaan. He talked about the huge genocide that occurred and possible reasons why it happened. One of the ones he mentioned was because he didn't want Israel to be defiled by the people of the land and turn from the one true God. And I have to say it caught me by surprise. It surprised me because it was so radical, and the view of God and Christianity that I find myself slipping into often is one that is very diluted.

When Jesus calls people to follow him, he doesn't say to keep living the life you are leading and just fit church in the schedule. A life of discipleship is so much more than that. To be a disciple of Christ means giving up an old life in exchange for a new one. It means completely changing your mindset and turning off your old perspective to find one that is more like Christ's. Following Christ isn't a past-time or a club that goes into the interest section of your life. It has to be the defining theme of your life.

I forget that sometimes. I think I can just focus my life on God without actually changing my lifestyle or my values. But Jesus has to be the number one priority in my life. It can't be family and Christ, careers and Christ, friends and Christ; my life has to be about Christ. Period. So that means if there is something in my life that is keeping me from a pure and devoted relationship with God, I have to cut it out of my life. It must be banished from my lifestyle and never looked back upon. Jesus talks about cutting off my hand if it causes me to sin. What about cutting TV out of my day, because what you put into your mind makes it unclean. The eyes are the lamp of the body, so I can't say that I am no affected my the sensual, violent, lewd and irreverent themes that so often come on the channel. If my life were all about Christ, and seeking after a pure relationship with him, would I cut TV out of my life? A man must deny even his family and take up his cross, right? And then movies should be called into question. A good friend of mine and I have had many talks about movies that use God's name in vain. I should have total respect for the name of God, and in the Bible God put to death an entire race of people because they might dilute the faith of the Israelites. So, should I stop watching movies that might dilute the name of God in my mind? And is it justifiable to say that it doesn't really affect me when someone says "Oh my God" in a movie and instead of being shocked that they misused the name of my Sovereign Lord, I shrug and call it entertainment?

Quite honestly I don't know. But I think that I should never stop questioning the things in my life, and that I should seriously evaluate how they affect my relationship with God. I can't ignore everything that goes on around me and the culture that permeates my life. I have to accept that the things in my environment will affect my spiritual walk. It is part of being a human/spirit hybrid: fleshy body with a soul. I do know that I want to live my life as a disciple for God and that such a walk does not come naturally. If ever I am comfortable and content with where I am at, I should probably question why I am not feeling the trials of the world that are spoken of in the Bible. Walking in Jesus' footsteps requires passion, a passion for him and for his Father. What does it take to live life righteously? Well, I am trying to figure that out.

This past week, my old youth minister came to my college for a couple days. One of the things he wanted to do was to jump off a huge cliff, into the water below. I remembered him talking about the thrill of doing this when he was younger, so I went with him wanting to share in this crazy experience. This cliff was at least 50 feet high, and he just got on the cliff and jumped. What seemed like a few minutes later, he finally hit the water. After that it was my turn. As I climbed out on the ledge to jump, I realized the insanity of what I was about to do. I was about to leap off a perfectly good piece of rock into the air, with only a promise that it was well worth the terror. For at least 15 minutes I stood there and tried to jump, realizing that the longer I stood there, the more I started to rationalize why I should not jump. So, before I could talk myself out of it, I asked God to forgive all my sins I ever did and jumped. I don't actually remember jumping, but the next thing I knew I was in the air and it was the most incredible experience as I fell into freezing water.

I think living a bold life for God is like that. You're standing on the ledge about to jump into the crazy life He calls you to live, doing things you never would have thought you would do. It doesn't make sense to leave the stable, undemanding life you have always known and fling yourself into the air, except that there is the promise of something better if you do. It doesn't make sense why people would give up things like girl or boyfriends, family ties, luxuries of life, solid careers, or an entire day to spend with God, unless God promises something better if they do. The writer of Hebrews says to cast off everything that hinders us from running after God. I know I need to take a good look at my life and see what I need to cast off to pursue God. I know that it might be terrifying to see what He wants me to give up, that it might not make sense, and that the longer I wait to do it, the more I will talk myself out it. But I think that if I can have the courage to just jump, I will discover so much more about living life passionately.

"I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."

Conversing with the Almighty

2006-09-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Stephen: [speaking heavenward] Him? That can't be William Wallace. I'm prettier than this man. All right Father, I'll ask him.
Stephen: If I risk my neck for you, will I get a chance to kill Englishmen?
Hamish: Is your father a ghost, or do you converse with the Almighty?
Stephen: In order to find his equal, an Irishman is forced to talk to God.
Stephen: [heavenward] Yes, Father.
Stephen: [to William and the others] The Almighty says don't change the subject

These past few weeks I have been taking the time to spend about an hour every other day one on one with God. Usually, I just walk around a park at night and talk or sing to God. This might make me feel incredibly awkward since I do this outloud, but since I do it late at night, no one is around to hear me, and if someone does hear me, they still can't see my face. And honestly...the results have been surprising. I know that I have always heard you should spend time with God, but I always figured I could squeeze my time with God into a few minutes whenever I felt like it. Quality over quantity, you know. Of course that never really worked very well. Like any good friendship I have ever had, knowing one another intimately has come only from spending a lot of time together.

I have found myself discovering things about my relationship with God and my life that I had never really connected before. Making sure that I spend a good chunk of time with God a few times a week has had such a significant impact even on my daily life. Although I find myself not always feeling like I want to spend a lot of time with God, whenever I do I feel so much better afterwards. And during the days, I feel so much better about whatever happens. Like on a Monday when I have two tests, a quiz and a writing assignment due, I don't feel nearly as stressed out or worried about it. I guess time with the Almighty puts things into perspective.

I love those lines from Braveheart, where the crazy Irishman is talking to God. Not because I think he is the equal of God, but because he prays in front of everyone, like God were right in front of him. And it's not a formal prayer, but it's more of a conversation. I think too often we get the wrong idea of what time with God needs to look like. That we have to read our Bible and pray something that resembles the Lord's Prayer. Don't get me wrong, those are all good things. Sometimes I wonder if we ever can just walk and talk with God, like what Adam and Enoch did. I think that in a relationship with God, I can take the time to just talk to Him about how my day has been going or what my hopes and fears are. And I must say, the more time I spend talking to God, the more at peace my heart feels about everything going on around me.

"Pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests"

Acts of Love

2006-09-05T12:55:00.000-07:00

I hate it when I say something and immediately regret it. So many times, for whatever reason, I act insensitive and come across as a jerk. Sorry to everyone who has been on the receiving end of my callous acts. I really am trying to get better.

Sometimes, it's not even when I say or do things that might hurt other people. It's the stuff I don't do. I don't go and talk to a kid sitting by himself at lunch because I am with friends and don't want to miss out. I don't compliment my friends on the things they do well or if they look nice that day. I don't make eye contact and say 'hi' to strangers as I walk past them. I don't ask how people how their day has been because I don't care. I don't talk to the person behind the counter at lunch or at a store. I don't want to go out of my way for people, even if I know I can help.

I want to do more things that are an overflow of God's love in me. Even small things like opening a door for someone or not judging them or being genuinely interested in them instead of faking small talk. I am truly sorry to everyone who hasn't seen Jesus in me. That's my fault. I ask for your patience as I try to show love in the things I do, say and think. I pray that God will help me do a little better each day.

Dreams

2006-08-28T16:33:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up to be a superhero. Or maybe a knight. I wanted to be able to go around saving and protecting people from evil. Later on I wanted to be like one of those Christians you might hear about who do covert operations in foreign countries, slipping past guarded borders as I smuggle Bibles into places where God is opposed. I did not think I would be able to impact the whole world, just the few I came into contact with. As I grew up, rather as I grow up, I find myself thinking more and more about getting a real job. I think about how I will support a family one day and what I need to do to get there. Do well in school, go to college, meet the right people. There's really nothing wrong with not wanting to be a superhero, but I lose more than that. I become more complacent as I just try to make it through each day and forget about how I can revolutionize the world, if only for a few people. I forget how to dream big dreams for my future. And as I do, I start to trade in my dreams for the "American Dream".

When I say dreams, I'm not talking about when people shirk responsibility to become a movie star or leave their spouse and kids to find their "true" love. I mean when people can imagine a better life for themselves and a better life for others. Like those doctors who go to foreign countries to work for the world's poorest or missionaries who seek to take God's Word where people have never seen a Bible. I know many people who have great ideas and hopes for their lives, even for their next year, but they don't act on them. When you ask them what their dreams are, they will weave amazing stories about what they can do. But they keep their dreams tucked away in the corners of their minds, like glass mosaics in a basement. After retreats or sermons, people feel convicted to spend more time each day seeking after God and the enriching life He has. But instead of spending time discovering more about our loving Creator, they turn on the TV or the computer. I know because I am one of those people. And I have to wonder, why do we fill our heads with all the ways we can lead a more fulfilling life, and then do nothing about it? I think it's because the dreams are too hard, or they don't pay much, or they don't hold any glory, or they require too much of ourselves. I think we're scared sometimes.

I look at people like David, a kid probably no older than me, dreaming he could take down Goliath, a guy who probably could eat people bigger than me. Where other people saw a killing machine, he saw a dead man walking. I think God also has dreams, because He sees who people are at the moment, and dreams big dreams for them. He can see me and know that even though I make a lot of stupid mistakes, I have potential to do great things for Him. God was willing to bet His son's life on the fact that humans have the ability to become better. Jesus said "I tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father". I have a hard time believing that sometimes. I can't see the person in the mirror and dream big dreams for that person. I see what I have done in the past and what I want to do in the future to keep my life moderately comfortable. It's like I stuff my life into a box and just hold onto it, and God wants to rip my life out and chuck the box away.

So now the question is: if I can actually stop, for one day, being complacent and let myself imagine what life could be like, what would I do? What crazy ideas would God tell me? He once told a guy to marry a prostitute. He told someone else to build an ocean liner in the middle of a country. What might He tell me? I would like to think that if He told me to do something, that I would drop everything and do it. If He told me I could experience real life, deep life in Him, and that it would just take trust and perserverance, would I listen? Adam and Eve didn't, the Pharisees didn't, Judas didn't, Jonah didn't (the first time).

I pray that I can let myself dream, that I won't put limits on the plans God has for me, and that I would be brave enough to make them reality.

Cigars In Heaven

2006-08-23T20:26:00.000-07:00

Let me first start out by saying that I totally jacked the tile from A Year With C.S. Lewis. The book quotes a Lewis in A Grief Observed about the past.

"Reality never repeats. The exact same thing is never taken away and given back. How well the spiritualists bait their hook! 'Things on this side are not so different after all.' There are cigars in Heaven. For that is what we should all like. The happy past restored."
"And that, just that, is what I cry out for, with mad, midnight endearments and entreaties spoken into the empty air."

I feel that I relate to what C.S. Lewis is talking about, except perhaps that my pain cannot compare to his, because he mourns his dearly beloved wife whereas I only mourn the past. I find myself sometimes wishing that I could go back to when I felt more at ease and more at home. Before my family moved to Iowa and before my brother and I had to leave for college. Sometimes I wish I could go back to when I was still living in Houston, because even though my family was in Iowa, I still had my close Christian family in Houston. Since I came to Harding, it seems like I have lost a way of life as well as many precious people in my life; people in Texas, many of whom I may not see again. I mean come on, just having to leave Texas is heartbreak enough.

I constantly find myself yearning for a life like what I used to have. And yet, as I find myself dwelling on the past, I know that it is in the past. All good things must come to an end in this world. I read Lewis' words that "The exact same thing is never taken away and given back" and know that God doesn't give you the exact same blessing over and over. Not even in Heaven will it be the same, no matter how much I tell myself it will.

Last night, I took a walk in the rain as I poured out my heart to God, confiding in Him all my fears and hopes and prayers. And when I stopped to listen, I could feel a sense of peace and security as though nothing had changed. As I heard the rain steadily beating against the trees and the grass and the buildings, it was like I could hear God saying "It's ok, I am here. Even though your life is changing, I am constant and I have a plan for you."

It is such a great relief to know that there is a God. That He has plans for me, and that I have been created specifically for them. That when life swirls around me, God is there constant and steady, like a mountain in a storm. That even though I have lost something very dear to me, God has new things to bless me with. That I don't have to cry out for the happy past to be restored.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11
" Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight." - Psalm 119:35

Braveheart

2006-08-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

So, I'm at Harding for Student Impact and we just had a movie/tv star dinner that I didn't know about before this weekend. As I was talking to my friend John, who I had just met, we came up with the idea of getting some guys together and dressing up as guys from Braveheart. So, we talked to our roommates, Peter and Malcolm, as well as another guy we had recently met, Kevin. About an hour and a half before the dinner we decided to get our costumes. So we hit up a 5-dollar tree (kinda expensive, but it was worth it) and we bought plaid skirts, then went to walmart and got blue face paint. John just so happened to have a Scottish flag hanging in his room, which we proceeded to put on a pole and wave as we walked around. It was awesome acting like a group Scottish Highlander with a few guys who I barely knew. Alba gu bra.

Stability

2006-08-10T21:34:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think God has His work cut out for Him when it comes to teaching me lessons. At the beginning of summer right before my senior year, I had a weird feeling about what God might be doing in my life. I felt like I was in for some change, which can sometimes be a good thing, but I didn't really want change to happen at that point. So I prayed to God that He would give me 'stability'. Over the next couple months, most of my close friends went off to college, my dad lost his job, got a new one in Iowa, moved the rest of the family there, and I was faced with a long senior year living with some friends of ours who eventually took in another senior whose parents had moved. I went from living in the same house with my family for six years (the longest I have ever stayed in one spot), to spending a year with a hodgepodge of people from three different families, really nice people, just not my family. I felt like God had completely ignored my plea for stability. I tried to adopt a "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart"-attitude (Job 1:21), but that was easier said than done as reality set in.

Over the next year, I felt like I was always pulled into two. When I was in Houston, I wanted to be with my family, but I knew that I didn't want to move away from Houston and all the people I had grown up with there. I felt like I didn't really have a place to call home, since I felt like a guest in Houston and a stranger in Iowa. The stability that I had prayed for slipped away even as my support had slipped away with my family moving. In order to get through some of the harder days, I was constantly praying to God for strength and comfort. As the year went on, school and my various leadership activities really put pressure on me. Five AP classes, president of National Honor Society, leader of youth group stuff, and applying for college and scholarships made it a tumultuous year. Throw in a couple of hurricanes, a bunch of gang activity at school, the deaths of people I knew and you have my memorable senior year.

Whereas before I would turn to my family or friends, with maybe a prayer sent God's way for help when things got tough, I now found that I really could only turn to God and pray for grace. God was taking away the crutches that I had used to prop myself up and letting me fall into His arms. He gave me peace and joy when I had no reason to have either. When I was lonely and in need of Christian fellowship, He sent me a couple friends who reflected Jesus into my life. When I felt unworthy to do His work, He used me ways I didn't think possible. I know God used those events my senior year to reveal more of Himself to me; that He is the only shelter in a storm, that there is always hope with God, that my true home will be in heaven, that He gives and takes away and all I can do is praise His name. He answered my prayer for stability by stripping away my illusion of stability and offering Himself instead. And in all honesty, my senior year was one of the best experiences I have ever had.

Psalm 9:9 The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.

The Book of John

2006-08-05T00:49:00.000-07:00

I wasn't sure what I wanted to talk about in my first blog, so I decided to talk about one of my favorite books, the book of John from the Bible. I once tried to memorize John, but could never get past the first chapter because it was so full of meaning. Well, mostly because I was lazy and memorizing takes a lot of time for me. I love the way John writes. He is able to say so many profound things, that I am constantly having to stop and just take in what he said. If you have never read it before, I would encourage you to start by reading the first 18 verses or so. John says stuff like "In Him (the Word) was life and that life was the light of men", and from what I understand "the Word" is not the Bible but Jesus. John makes it abundantly clear that grace, truth and life come through the "One and Only", which is Jesus once again. John's words made me stop and rethink what Jesus meant to me. Jesus wasn't just a sacrifice for my sins. He was also a bringer of life, 'life to the full' as he later says in John 10:10. And knowing that He wants me to have life that can only be found in Him makes me want to seek after Him even more.